Big life changes can be exciting and exhilarating while simultaneously invoking terror and doubt. The kind of doubt that will make you second guess yourself and possibly cost you a great opportunity. I’m going through one of those big changes right now.
Recently, I accepted a writing job I’ve been trying to get for the past two years. It means all the hard work I put in has paid off, and it means job security. The catch? It means moving to Dallas; I would have to leave Phoenix.
I fell in love with Arizona in the last two and a half years — which is crazy because I really didn’t want to move there in the first place. It was the first time in all of the moving I’d done in the past decade (seven times) that I felt truly at home. My mom was there, I made amazing friends, I absolutely loved my downtown apartment and all of the surrounding food and night life. I found my place, my people, and I got happily comfortable. I spent every waking moment enjoying it, despite the notorious heat.
I didn’t think Phoenix would be my forever, but I didn’t realize how much of a home it became until I was faced with leaving it. At the same time, I was excited for a new city, but I felt my heart breaking. Saying goodbye to my friends was hard, saying goodbye to my mom nearly broke me. I wanted to stay, and the thought of turning down the position kept creeping into my mind. I felt like I was making a mistake when my heart was begging me not to leave behind what I had built.
But I couldn’t let my love and my fear hold me back. I had to suck it up, repress my feelings, and embrace the discomfort ahead of me. So now I find myself in Dallas, in a new apartment, where I don’t know anyone. Everything around me is unfamiliar. Also, being the new girl at work is something I dread. The uneasy feeling of underperforming, overstepping, and making mistakes is ever present. I know eventually I’ll find my pace and those feelings will ease but I just wish it would hurry tf up…
I miss my friends and mom like hell. I miss walking out of my apartment and heading to Lucky’s or Jackalope for a drink with Grace and Jess. I miss taking my mom’s trash out every Saturday morning and catching up with her over dinner. I miss walking through my neighborhood and the absolutely stunning sunsets. I miss ogling the hot guy from my gym. I miss my stray cat Jo probably the most (don’t worry, my friend moved into my apartment and continues to take care of that little asshole).
But it’s not all bad here. I found a new gym and a hipster spot for my double espresso and to write my blogs. I’ve even made a few friends and found some good bars. Also, everyone here is freakishly nice and helpful to newcomers, maybe that’s just the Texas way. Every day my new routine starts to grow, and I feel a little more comfortable (ish). So, I’m embracing the discomfort, as my dad says, and I’m hopefully creating a new place to love and grow in.
So if you find yourself questioning a life decision because you’re scared of the change, I urge you not to get in your own way and just go for it. It will lead to great things if you try hard enough.
Make that career change you’ve secretly been wanting. Go up and talk to that hottie at the gym and ask them out because I sure as hell regret not doing it. Or maybe it’s the opposite and you find yourself in a relationship that’s no longer fulfilling. Ending a relationship throws you head first into the discomfort of learning how to be on your own again, as I know all to well. But you owe it to yourself and your partner because what’s the alternative? Continuing to be unhappy which in turn makes your partner unhappy as well. That’s no way to live my friend.
Put yourself out on a limb and be uncomfortable. Or what the hell do I know, maybe I’ll get fired next week and immensely regret moving here.
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